


hard to forget

by snarkwriteswrasslin (snarkandsarcasmwrites)



Category: AEW
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarkandsarcasmwrites/pseuds/snarkwriteswrasslin
Summary: Adam and Rosalie shared a night together. Both of them want it to be more than just that night, however... Neither seem willing to approach the other about the fact. Adam has his own issues on his mind and Rosalie has hers. Awkward situations, gossip backstage and so many other things seem to keep cropping up and convincing these would be lovers to keep quiet about their feelings. Will they eventually cave in?Let the train-wreck begin.FYI.. DARLIN, in my smut collection is the official beginning to this. So please, go check that out first.
Relationships: adam hangman page x original female character
Kudos: 5





	1. the grapevine;

##  **[ ROSALIE]**

I could feel Adam’s eyes on me, but like I’ve been tending to do lately, I trained my eyes intently on my Instagram app. I was only half listening to what Swole was saying at this point and I think she knew it, because she cleared her throat to get my attention as she nodded in Hangman’s direction. **  
**

“What?”

“Did you talk to him?” she gave me an expectant look as she licked the pudding off her spoon and I dropped my head, sighing quietly. “What do you think?”

“I think that if you don’t at least say something, you’re never gonna know.”

“And maybe that’s the way it should be, Swole.” I shook my head as I picked up the bottle of water sitting to my left and sat my cell phone down.

Sonny Kiss flopped down into the chair next to mine and took one look at me before bursting into laughter and shooting Swole a look. “She still hasn’t said anything.”

“Did you really think she would?” Swole scoffed at Sonny, shooting me a playful dirty look. “That man is over there suffering right now, girl.”

“It’s got nothing to do with me though. Besides, look at me!” I shook my head, picking at my salad as I lowered my voice and finished, “I’m a goddamn mess.”

“I swear to God, if one of them doesn’t bring up what happened soon, I’m taking matters into my own hands and shoving them in a closet together.” Thunder Rosa spoke up from her spot at the table. 

All I could do was open and close my mouth, trying to stammer out something in my defense. There wasn’t anything, no excuse I could offer to justify not attempting to find out what the other night meant to Adam, if it even meant anything at all. I just simply couldn’t bring myself to do it.

To hear it one more time. And this time from someone who’d managed to get deep under my skin. Who now lived in my head -and my heart, totally rent free.

I knew I’d never be able to handle hearing the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” shtick again. And I knew that Adam Page was a far better man than I could ever hope to even come close enough to being worthy of.

“So you’re a mess. I mean… He’s been a train wreck too, as of late.”

I gave Thunder Rosa an evil look almost as soon as she said it, but I found my gaze drifting off her and settling on him. Sitting alone in the corner of catering. It took everything in my power not to get up and go over to him like I wanted. But somehow, I managed to keep from doing it. 

“I know! And that’s probably the only reason he stooped to hook up with me! Guys, look. I love all of you but the facts are the facts…Sometimes, things just happen. Me hooking up with Adam last week? He was in a bad place. We know he never would’ve done it otherwise. Kinda sucks because we all know how I felt about it happening. I love the guy. And I just…” I trailed off because I’d been about to remind myself for the millionth time that it was ridiculous, we barely spoke. And he probably didn’t know my actual name, hence the reason he referred to me as darling the entire time. It wasn’t a term of endearment, but more likely, a way for him to distance himself from what was happening. A placeholder name because given how fast we got to that stage, it wouldn’t exactly have been anything short of awkward as hell for him to stop and ask my damn name.

I was determined. It was drilled into my brain. That night probably didn’t mean anything to him. He was lonely, hurting and I was a comforting warm body. We’re both consenting adults, sometimes things happen that way. God, did I not want it to be true. But, I was trying to really hammer it in my brain that more than likely, it was true.

“I mean I beg to differ, but go on, Rosalie. Show your whole stubborn ass, girl.” Sonny insisted, giving a snort and shaking their head at me. Thunder Rosa glanced from me to someone just behind me and as she grumbled and continued to stare behind me, my stomach churned.

“Well, if you didn’t want word getting out, that’s probably not gonna be a possibility anymore. Especially the part about you being in love…”

I felt my stomach starting to churn and I dropped my head to the tabletop, lightly banging it against. “Seriously? Who heard it?”

“Oh, only Matt fucking Jackson.” Swole rolled her eyes as she told me who’d been eavesdropping.

“Well that’s just fucking splendid.” I grumbled quietly, biting my lip as I watched Matt walking across catering towards his brother Nick. He winked at me before whispering something into Nick’s ear and if I thought my stomach was churning before, whew.. It was really churning now.

“Welp, that settles it. Time to look into selling a kidney. To buy a private island.” I tried to make a joke out of the situation, standing abruptly and gathering up my wrappers and the empty water bottle. Bracing myself to walk right past Matt and Nick’s table on my way to the bin.

And then Adam’s table on my way out of catering.

I’d just thrown away my trash and turned around, finding myself body to body with Matt.

“What?” I eyed him, trying my best to play casual. Pretend like I wasn’t fully aware he’d overheard my dirty little secrets. He eyed me up and down, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Just find it interestin’ is all.”

“What?” I rolled my eyes, attempting to make a step to the side and get the hell away from him. 

“You and Hangman.”

“What about it? Look, if you’re about to be sleazy, just know that Adam and I were a one time thing. And I do not intend to repeat what happened with anyone else. Especially not _you_.” I took a deep breath as I finished speaking, my body tense and prepared for battle. I know how men like Matt are when their ego gets a little wounded.

He pouted a little, leaning in closer. “Oh? But you were just sayin you loved the guy. I was just thinkin… If he’s not into you, darlin.. Maybe you could give me a shot?”

“What I said is precisely why I wouldn’t bother with you.. I’m not into flings, thanks bye.” I snapped at him as I gaped up at him in disbelief. I shoved past Matt with my ears burning, not daring to look anyone else in the eye on my way out. 

“You _know_ you’re curious, sweetheart.” Matt taunted after me. I didn’t even bother dignifying the remark with a comeback because honestly, I was just still seething from the audacity of the guy to even say it to me.

Adam and I collided hard. He reached out to steady me and like an idiot, I shrank away, flinching a little because I was still unnerved by Matt’s whole attempt a few seconds before. Staring up at him a second or two, willing my brain to work. 

The second I saw his eyes darken and get stormy, I swallowed hard. 

_,, welp, that confirms it. Guy can’t even look at me without being disgusted.”_ I thought to myself, taking a deep breath, muttering quietly, “Sorry, I.. I was in a hurry.”

“Yeah, I can see that, Rosie.”

Him actually using my name and not simply settling for Darlin’ had a little flicker of hope daring to spring to light. It was hope I quickly dashed. Nope, not likely.

Those baby blues were fixed on me and I felt my thighs clench all over again. My mouth opened and closed too. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t make everything so much more awkward than it was just leaving it be like I had been.

“I.. I have to go.” I pushed past him and hurried out of catering, down the hall and into the hair and makeup room. I leaned heavily against the wall, taking a few shaky breaths. There was so much I would’ve said if I hadn’t left in a hurry. Everything I felt, everything I wanted and needed, it had all been literally a breath away from spilling out. 

##  **[ ADAM ]**

_,, Well, that’s that.”_ Adam sighed as the thought came, shaking his head sadly. He’d been trying for a little over a week now to get her to herself because someone had to mention what happened. It obviously wasn’t going to be her. **  
**

And if the way she flinched back at me a few seconds ago is anythin’ to go by,” Adam thought to himself, “She doesn’t want me to bring it up either.” 

Just the thought ate him up. It added to everything else already happening, everything that was spinning too far out of control for him to even attempt fixing now.

He flopped back into the seat he’d been sitting in and propped his head against his hands, eyes closing tight.

There had to be some way out of all this. 

He really couldn’t stomach the possibility that he was going to lose everyone. Her, before he even really got a chance to have her like he wanted. All to himself.

 _,, figures, she agrees with the rest of ‘em. Well, fuck it.”_ the intrusive thought crept in and Adam fought to keep it out.

But lately, it was getting harder and harder to fight these pesky little intrusive thoughts. He was starting to resign himself to the fact that everything about his current situation in life was fucked 10 ways to Sunday and he was starting to realize that while his friends may have set it in motion months ago, he certainly hadn’t helped matters only.

Finishing his bottled water, he stood and made his way over to the garbage, tossing the bottle in. He didn’t particularly care to stick around. Making conversation with any of them seemed a bit of a moot point now. He didn’t even begin to know where to start, making things right with his friends.

And Rosie? Still a _huge goddamn mystery_ to him.

He felt like they might have connected that night backstage. But then she made herself damn near invisible. And she was nothing if not good at it, too. And asking around didn’t help anything. Asking around only seemed to highlight the fact that nobody actually knew her. 

All he wanted was _one chance_. One shot to explain that if he didn’t already want her so badly he could feel it in his bones way down deep, that night never would’ve went down between them. That he hadn’t just been doing it as a heat of the moment thing. That she hadn’t just been a source of comfort that night.

He spotted Sonny on his way out of catering and he stopped them.

“How well you know Rosie?” Adam asked the question cautiously, eyeing Sonny intently, hoping maybe he’d get some form of answer he could work with. Anything right now would be nice. Because right now, he was officially out of ideas. _,, aside from the obvious one, goin up to her and demandin to talk. Because of course, that’s outta the damn question. I can’t handle hearin’ here politely tell me that night was a one time thing when I want it to be more than that.”_ Adam thought to himself as he shuffled his feet, waiting. 

Sonny eyed him, a hand on their hip as they did so. “Well enough to say that if you don’t say something first, nothing will ever be said, Page.”

With that said, Sonny turned on their heels and walked out of the area, leaving Hangman to stand there, his hand against the back of his head as he tried to figure out what his next move was.

_,, If I even bother with one. That flinch ought t’ be my answer. People don’t flinch without a damn good reason. The reason was obviously me. She regrets it. I need t’ leave it alone. Let her be.”_

##  **[ ROSALIE]**

The door banged shut to hair and makeup and I caught sight of Thunder Rosa making her way in, flopping down into my hair and makeup chair again. **  
**

“Girl, that new guy in Lights. He asked for your number _again_.”

“Yeah, no.. He wants a hook up. God knows I’ve made enough of a mess lately.”

“And you’d only sleep with a co-worker if you really love them. Like Adam?” Rosa teased and I grumbled at her, shrugging. “I _never_ said that.”

“You don’t have to! You’re a shitty liar and you can’t hide anything to save your life. The only thing saving your skin is the fact that the poor guy has a ton of baggage heaped on him right now.”

“Speaking of… That interview with Tony earlier.. Is he okay right now?”

“You’d know if you’d fucking _talk_ to the man.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. The sting of the words he said about himself earlier came rushing back all over again.

_“I feel like from head to toe, I’m full of poison.”_

No matter what I tried, I couldn’t un-hear the words. And all I’d wanted to do when I heard him say it was go to him. Show him that he wasn’t.

I kind of have the feeling that right now, he’d never believe me. And it bothers me.

And the fact that it bothers me bothers me even more.

I grumbled at myself in frustration all over again as I dug around in my kit, getting out the stuff I used to do Rosa’s lashes and the other makeup she’d need to paint the half of her face and I sighed.

Yeah, I know everyone is right. I should talk to him. But here’s the thing. I fucking can’t. I’ve literally been outside of his hotel room. A speech all prepared in my head. About to knock on the door. 

And then all I can hear is everything I’ve ever heard out of anyone else when I dare hope that maybe just once I’ll be enough.

Or all the stuff my ex liked to say to try to keep me with him. 

Once that stuff gets in your head and it fucks with you, it never entirely stops. And I know that even if I had him, my own insecurities would probably drive him running for the hills if nothing else did first.

“You know that doing this is letting Jonny win..Right? The only out is through. You need to work through all this stuff in your head that keeps insisting you’re not worth it for somebody.”

“Did you just shrink me, Rosa?”

“I call it like I see it.”

“And all I’m saying is that maybe.. Throwing myself headfirst into… this.. Is not the best idea for either of us right now. I had him, okay? For one night, I had him. If that’s all I get, that’s all I get.”

“But you could have more. You could talk to the man. You could work through whatever happened. Because I don’t think he’d just fucking sleep with you if he didn’t want you already, okay? He’s not exactly like the other jerks we work with.”

“I know.” 

God, did I know. His being completely different than other men was what drew me to him. Because he wasn’t 

He stood out among all the douche bags and dogs that seemed drawn to me like a magnet. For whatever reason, the calm I felt whenever he was around was almost overwhelming. It terrified me because I hadn’t ever felt it before.

It made it entirely too easy for me to just let go. Take the risk of opening up all over again. Something I hadn’t done in so long that now, faced with the desire to do so, I was actually terrified of doing it. 

“It’s driving you crazy, Rosie. Either you do something about it, or you let a shot pass you by. I thought you were the kind of girl who doesn’t scare easily.”

“This is _different_.” I emphasized my point and gave a pleading look, hopeful that maybe she’d leave the situation alone. But no, of course not. She pressed further.

“No, it’s stupid, that’s what it is.”

And yeah, I knew she was right. It was stupid. And I did want to say something. I couldn’t keep avoiding the guy. But damned if I knew how to go about bringing up what happened between us, let alone anything else I might want and need to ask him.

Besides, the way he looked at me earlier in catering hadn’t exactly inspired any confidence to do so.

“At least think about it.”

“I am. Constantly.”

“I can’t with you.”

“I can’t with myself right now, honestly. I really went all out with this one, huh?” I laughed and shook my head as I sank down into a chair and took a few deep breaths. “It doesn’t have to be this damn dramatic.”

“Exactly!”

‘But then I think I have the nerve to talk to him and I think of a million and one good reasons not to.” 

“Damn it, Rosie.”

“I just… I need time. I need to ease into this.”

The door was knocked on and Rosa and I shared a look. I stood and made my way over, throwing it open. MJF stood there, that little smirk as he eyed me up like a piece of meat. I scowled at him.

“What the hell do you want, Max? Was my not unless hell froze over not clear enough?”

“Oh.. it was clear. But here’s the thing.. I refuse to believe it.” Maxwell stepped into the room and I grumbled, flipping off his turned back after rolling my eyes skyward.

Did anybody backstage know how to keep their goddamn mouth shut?

“See. I heard something interesting about you.” Maxwell held my gaze, a calm smirk playing at his lips as he looked me up and down. I could feel my stomach churning already and honestly, it took everything inside of me NOT to just reach out and strangle Maxwell… _First Matt, then him.. Because obviously, Matt’s been running his mouth about what he just heard, that has to be it.._. I reminded myself, taking a deep breath as I tried to calm down.

“Oh yeah?”

“I heard you actually did get mixed up with somebody back here. Contrary to what you told me.. You know, that crap about not mixing business with pleasure.”

“See, here’s the thing, Maxy boy. I never said I considered… _anything_ … involving you… Pleasure. So… there’s that.” I pointed to the open door and he eyed me, rubbing his chin. “You’ll wind up giving in. Everybody does.” I stood taller, giving a firm glance to the door before glaring up at him and tapping my foot. All I wanted was Maxwell to get the hell away from me. I mean.. Sure that was tied with the firm desire to find Matt Jackson and punch him in the cock because somehow, he must have been running his mouth and now, naturally, my personal business was all out there for the world to know, but hey.. Getting Maxwell the entire fuck out of my sight was up high on that list.

“Pretty sure I’d rather bind my legs shut with molasses first. Are you done making an entire ass of yourself? Because I’d really like to get back to my actual job.” I rolled my eyes and again, I pointed at the door. The guy had three seconds and I was going to let my inner bad bitch out to play. Lucky for me, Maxwell seemed to finally take the hint and he made a retreat, eye-fucking me one last time on his way out the door.

Once the door was closed behind me, I leaned against it and lightly beat the back of my head against. “I swear to God, this is… Why am I the kind of person who goes without being messy until suddenly, I go ham and it’s a literal shit-storm?”

“I mean, look on the bright side. Sooner or later now one of you has to bring it up?”

“Fucking hilarious, Rosa. Fucking hilarious.” I muttered sarcastically as I poked my tongue out at her and pouted.

“If the poor guy wasn’t disgusted enough at doing what he and I did last week already, pretty sure he’s gonna fucking LOVE this going around.” I rubbed my forehead, pacing back and forth in front of the door.

“Nobody’s gonna even think about this longer than a day.”

I eyed her with a brow raised. Somehow, I doubted. 

“I’m being serious. This is not a big deal. Tomorrow something else will happen and nobody’s gonna think about it.”

“ God, I can only hope.” I mumbled quietly as I made the choice to shove it all out of my head, get to work on Rosa’s makeup for the night instead. In the back of my mind, I found myself wondering just how far spread everything had gotten by now.

Knowing Matt’s tendency to shoot off his mouth, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m the talk of the men’s locker room. I pretty much resigned myself to the realization that if I wanted things to go smoothly between me and Adam, this getting out probably guaranteed they wouldn’t.

And in a flash, something intimate and private, between two people, became this publicly known thing. And it annoyed me, because that was never what I intended. Especially granted what Adam’s already going through with the guys.

He didn’t need _this shit_ on top of it.


	2. whiskey glasses;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of drinking and thinking. And overthinking.

##  **[ HANGMAN ]**

He sat at the bar, staring down into the whiskey glass in front of him. He couldn’t stop going back to what Kenny’s response was earlier. He couldn’t get his head around just how easily it was for Kenny to turn his back on their tag team partnership and yet, if he really thought long and hard about it, he couldn’t blame him either. Taking another long sip of whiskey, Adam sat the glass down on the bartop, his head resting against his hand. **  
**

Downtime couldn’t come fast enough this time around. He needed time and space to think. To figure things out. His mind was still frantically holding out hope that there had to be a way to fix the situations he currently found himself in. _Both of them._

Because there had to be a way to get Rosalie alone and talk to her. He needed to know if his head or his heart or all the rumors that seemed to be swirling around the back this week were right. He needed some sort of confirmation to move on and try to put what happened between them and his feelings out of his head or not.

At the thought, he found himself scanning the crowded bar, searching for any sign of Rosalie. He spotted her across the bar, crammed into a booth with Sonny Kiss, Swole and Thunder Rosa, her head back in mid-laugh. When the guy in the leather jacket walked past their table and looked her up and down, his breath caught and he knew that it was better if he turned around but for whatever reason, he couldn’t.

He felt the briefest relief when she didn’t even bother looking at the man in the leather jacket, choosing instead to focus on the bottle of tequila in front of her that she was apparently drinking straight from.

He eyed the situation carefully, trying to gauge her current mood. Trying to prove to himself that hooking up with him had been a one-time thing and no, she wasn’t currently beating herself up or losing her mind over what happened like he was lately on top of everything else.

 _,, People are sayin that night is just somethin’ she does. And I don’t wanna believe that because somethin about it don’t seem right, but it’s not like she’s in a hurry to talk about what happened between us either…”_ Adam thought to himself, scowling and promptly trying to vanquish the thought from his head by pouring himself another measure of whiskey from the bottle sitting in front of him into his glass.

The older country that had been playing on a jukebox towards the back switched to Five Finger Death Punch and he grumbled to himself, right up to the point in which he saw Rosalie slinking back from the area, the bottle in her hand and a smirk in her face. When she climbed over the back of the booth seat to settle back between Swole and Rosa, he chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “How the hell does she listen to this shit?”

By the fourth round, he nearly had himself convinced to just walk over and talk to her. He kept telling himself he’d do it when her friends left. Then her friends left and he sat there, hesitantly perched on the edge of his stool.

From beside him, MJF spoke up, a taunting laugh as he did so. “Crashed and burned already, hm? From talk backstage, you two were going to be the next it couple. But like usual, you can’t help yourself. You just like to watch the world burn.”

Adam’s fists clenched and he glared at MJF. Then he remembered some of the guy’s past exchanges with her and he rubbed his chin, chuckling quietly. He’d overlook all the other stuff the asshole said that hit a little too head on at the moment.. About him being incapable of just being happy until the world was burning all around him. He chose instead to focus on the fact that obviously, if the guy was sitting here next to him, then the guy hadn’t made all the progress he told anyone in back who would listen that he was making with Rosalie.

“Aw, she shoot you down again, little boy?”

“She’s a teasing bitch. But no. In fact..” Maxwell waved over a bartender and ordered himself a glass of bourbon, “I think I might have figured out a way to break down those so called walls she has. I mean.. I figure as long as I’m not you and I don’t do whatever you apparently did, I have a shot, right?”

Adam leaned in to Maxwell in the blink of an eye. Maxwell gaped as Adam gripped his shirt front and flashed a mean smirk. “Go ahead, little boy. Go right ahead. But I promise you. I swear. If you do one thing to hurt her, I’m gonna kick your damn head off.” 

He let go and settled completely back on the stool, the two men having an intent staredown until Adam tossed wadded cash on the top of the bar and shoved his way out. He needed to get to the sanctuary of his own hotel room.

He needed to think. There had to be some way to fix everything. There had to be. He stubbornly refused to believe there wasn’t. He’d been through worse with the guys before. They were okay.

 _,, maybe this time you pushed too far, man. And if you don’t do something about the other now, it’s going to eat at you too… But that’s the catch 22… Doing somethin means you might get an answer you don’t wanna hear…that you might not be able to handle right now.”_ the thought was an unsettling one and it had him punching the wall by the elevator lightly. 

* * *

##  **[ ROSALIE ]**

“Girl, the man was staring a hole right through you. How much more proof do you need?” **  
**

Rosa’s question had me pausing, leaning against the hallway wall as I raised the bottle to my lips and shrugged. Swallowing the tequila, I grimaced at the lazy burn when it crept down my throat. It wasn’t Tito’s, but tonight it would have to suffice. I mulled over what she said. I knew he’d been watching me. I could feel him staring. The thing of it was, every time I got the idea in my head to get up and walk over, I remembered the current rumors going around about me backstage. And I remembered that I have a tendency to make a mess of everything I touch according to most. Or that I’m not and never will be good enough, according to others.

Yeah, maybe it’s stupid, but… Maybe this is just one of those things that’s better left untouched. Besides, the guy probably thinks I’m a whore now, I mean… I’ve heard the rumors. I’ve heard them and if I didn’t know myself better? _I’d think I was a whore._

Pretty sure Maxwell’s been stirring around in shit because I won’t just crawl into bed with him. He wants me to have no other option. And if he thinks even remotely I won’t just die alone before letting it, he’s a goddamn fool.

“It’s not that easy, Rosa.” I finally answered, taking another long pull from the bottle in my hand. Letting my head rest against the wall. I was dizzy and tipsy and yet… I wasn’t numb. I hadn’t magically forgotten everything that’s always on my mind and any of the newest invasive thoughts that had cropped up lately either. 

Brains should come with an on/off reset feature. You don’t like your mind one day? Reset button. It’d be one hell of a lot easier than being stuck with all the doubt and loathing and irrational fears and invasive thoughts.

“It is! All you have to do is walk over, sit down and talk to the guy.” Rosa insisted.

I eyed her and laughed. “After the shit Maxwell’s been saying this week? I don’t see _that_ going well. He probably believes it all like everyone else. I mean hey… The upside of this whole shit-show is that if I get lonely, I have plenty of offers. Only for one night because naturally..” I trailed off, shaking my head. No, nope.. I was going to bind my legs if I had to. Not even going to consider meeting a guy at a bar and taking him back to my room anymore because whew boy… Did this whole rumor going around about me really make me stop and think. And I didn’t want to be seen as that kind of girl. _,, even though there’s not a goddamn thing wrong with enjoying life and you don’t owe anyone a goddamn thing. christ, you’re pathetic. a real dumpster fire, rosalie.”_ the thought came and I shoved it out, wincing at it’s invasive brutality.

“But none of them are the one you want. God, you’re so fucking _stubborn_.” Rosa grumbled, the back of her head hitting the wall behind us lightly as she sank down to sit beside me. I laughed a little and I couldn’t tell whether it was the tequila in my hands or the absurdity of this entire situation that would literally be so much easier if I were anyone but me right now. If I had better confidence. If I dared to believe or hope that I could have a great guy that I truly loved without that guy merely settling because I was there and made myself available like I used to all the time.

Like I did that one night I had Adam Page. It had been so easy to fall back into old habits, natural as breathing. That in itself had me terrified.

“I picked one hell of a year to quit smoking.” I groaned quietly, letting my head butt back against the wall as I laughed and sat there, trying to imagine every single scenario that might arise if I did just talk to him about that night.

But when all your mind will cook up are the bad ones. The absolute worst of the worst. You see my problem, yes?

I couldn’t be the first to say something. I knew for a fact I couldn’t take hearing him casually dismiss our night as a one-time thing. I couldn’t take him saying what I’ve heard so much now that it’s ingrained in me deep and keeps me doubting myself at least eighty-five percent of the time. I couldn’t take a risk and have him turn out to be just like the rest.

But I knew at the same time that sooner or later… somehow.. I was going to crack. Because as much as I feared the worst, I couldn’t keep sitting on any of this either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I mentioned this.. But the original character in this shares my anxiety / self worth issues and occasional intrusive thoughts. Nothing major or suicidal, but.. Just know that going into this, Rosalie's issues are my own and that the way they affect her are the way they affect me. Everyone's experience is different. This is just mine. If you think they'll just disappear when things progress and her life seems to be going smoothly / happily, that's not how this works, sorry. This shit is a struggle almost constantly on my end and I intend to do my best to reflect that. I'm not saying that it's going to be excessive, but I'm also saying that it's not just gonna be one of those things where if she gets the things she wants in life, she's magically cured, either. because IRL, I am quite content in life and yet... here we are.
> 
> My heart and a fuck ton of hugs goes out to anyone else out there who suffers through this. It's a real pain in the ass.
> 
> I also wanna say that this is going to be a short fic AND a slower burn. Because I haven't written a proper chapter fic in a while and this is me kind of... dipping my toes back into it.Anyway... That's all!


End file.
